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Lillian Miller's avatar

3 1/2 years ago I became a grandma of twins. Boy & girl. At the moment it was joyful occasion until the months went by and my son rarely picked me up to see them. I would take an Uber which would cost about 80.00 each way. When I retired I told my son he needs to take me home if I go there, it’s getting too expensive. They would always go to here moms house which was about 20 mins away. It was heart wrenching. Last December he told me he was moving to Buffalo and now because I am waiting to have a knee replacement and can’t walk well I will only see them when he comes to NY. 3x a year. I’ve mentioned it to him several times but it didn’t matter. Bottom line is i certainly do not feel like a grandma. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.

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Modern Grandmothers's avatar

Oh Lillian, I am so sorry to hear this. I felt every word you wrote. Becoming a grandmother is supposed to be one of life’s greatest joys, but no one warns us about the ache that can come when the dream doesn’t unfold like we imagined.

Please know, you’re not alone. Many grandmothers carry this silent grief.

You absolutely are a grandmother — not because of how often you see them, but because of the love that lives in your heart for them every day. That love is real. That love matters. And though your time with them has been far too limited, don’t give up hope. Children grow, circumstances change, and doors can open in the most unexpected of ways.

In the meantime, hold tight to your beautiful heart. Your story deserves to be seen, heard, and honored. Start a journal for each child—every day, write something to them—that's what I am doing now. It will be a gift to your grandchildren one day. Never stop writing to them, sharing with them—all the things from your heart. Send them a letter every few weeks or so.

Sending you strength, warmth, and the deep knowing that your love still counts — even from afar.

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