No One Warned Me About This Part of Grandmotherhood
I wish someone had whispered to me, amidst all the congratulations and baby showers. Brace yourself, for this joy also has shadows.
Grandmotherhood is often seen as a golden time. We imagine it filled with baby clothes, lullabies, and warm hugs. It's a time of joy, watching your legacy grow and thrive.
But there's a hidden truth we rarely talk about. Just like the pain of childbirth that women go through, the emotional labor of being a grandparent is often overlooked. Many grandmothers forget or don't share this part of their journey.
I wish someone had told me.
I wish someone had whispered to me, amidst all the congratulations and baby showers. They should have said: Brace yourself, for this joy also has shadows. Watch out for these pitfalls…
The Birth of a Grandmother
Becoming a grandmother is a magical moment. Your heart grows, and you feel an overwhelming love for your grandchild. It's a new chapter in your life, filled with love and wonder.
But there's another side to this change. It's the quiet grief of adjusting to new roles. You learn to love without leading, which can be hard.
This is the side they don't tell you about.
The Fragile Dance of Giving Advice
We all want to help our grandkids’ parents, but our advice isn't always welcome. It's hard to accept that sometimes, your wisdom isn't needed.
It's tough to remember that you're no longer in charge. Your advice must be given with care, like fine china. It's a delicate balance.
You learn to be silent, even when it's hard. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is say nothing at all.
When Jealousy Rears Its Quiet Head
Jealousy is a feeling no one warns you about.
Not of the baby—oh no, but of the bond between your child and their child. The jealousy comes from unexpected places: your daughter or daughter-in-law who feels threatened by how the children flock to you, your son who feels his kids love grandma more than him. Your closeness becomes a source of tension, a wedge instead of a bridge.
You feel caught in a storm of emotions. Their children are not your children. You love them, but they are not yours to raise. They belong, fully and rightfully, to their parents, and acknowledging that feels like peeling away a layer of your skin.
It is a strange and painful line to walk: to love deeply but not possessively, to cherish them and yet release them.
Letting Go of Personal Sensitivities
You'll face moments where your feelings get hurt. Maybe you're not invited to a birthday. Or you're the last to know about a school win.
Or you might feel compared to another grandparent in a bad way.
But you must let it go.
Grandmotherhood is about humility. It's about loving without condition, even when it's hard. Finding joy in small moments, even if big ones exclude you.
It's about surrender.
Relearning Patience
Patience is a skill you thought you had mastered with your kids. But grandmotherhood takes it to a whole new level.
Patience when your grown child gets upset with you.
Patience when your grandchild is busy and you haven't seen them in weeks.
Patience when they don't call or when FaceTime is short. When your presence isn't a priority.
And still, you love.
You show up when asked, stay quiet when needed, and wait, praying for the best because love is about devotion, not demand.
Nana’s House Becomes a Magnet
A grandmother's house has a special magic. It smells of comfort, feels safe, and welcomes everyone without judgment.
Children are drawn to it. They want to stay longer and be held tighter.
This can cause tension. Parents might feel like you're undermining them, and they worry about spoiling and setting boundaries.
You want to say, I mean no harm. This is just love overflowing.
But even love needs to be careful. Joy must respect parental space. You're no longer the main one; you're the gentle shadow, the quiet heartbeat, the eternal witness.
The Hidden Heartbreak
Grandmotherhood isn't always easy. It can be a quiet ache. It's dealing with family issues or feeling lonely when you're needed less.
Sometimes, it's seeing your adult child struggle and not being able to fix it.
Sometimes, it's watching a grandchild grow up far away, through a glass wall.
And yet, you still love.
Still, you show up with snacks and stories and songs.
Still, you keep a nightlight on in your heart for the day they'll come back.
When Divorce Breaks More Than a Marriage
Divorce can make your role as a grandmother very vulnerable. If your son is no longer involved, you might feel left out, too. Unlike mothers, grandmothers often get forgotten in the chaos of custody battles.
You may miss out on important moments with your grandchildren. Birthdays and photos become distant memories. The pain of being forgotten is deep, but there's no closure.
There's only silence, waiting, and hope for the future.
Hope that one day, when they are old enough to seek you out, they’ll remember the stories you told, the songs you sang, the love that was never meant to be temporary.
The Sacredness in the Struggle
Despite the heartbreak and silence, grandmotherhood is sacred.
It's not just a role; it's a soul transformation.
It teaches you to hold space, to be strong yet soft. To accept the chapters you didn't write. It asks you to love without strings, to give without needing recognition.
Yes, the joy is real. The first time they say your name. The way they curl up in your arms. The drawings with crooked hearts and your name misspelled.
But the pain is real, too. Acknowledging it doesn't make you ungrateful. It makes you whole.
It means you're loving with your eyes open.
It means walking the delicate line of this sacred calling. Where joy and grief sit side by side. Where wisdom is hard-won, and love, despite everything, wins in the end.
Must-Reads
📖 Book for Your Grandkids: Wonder by R.J. Palacio – A heartwarming must-read for ages 8+
An uplifting novel full of wonderfully realistic family interactions, lively school scenes, and writing that shines with emotional power.
“Wonder is a book with such a big, wide heart―it shows how we are all fragile, imperfect, and perfectly beautiful creatures.
Grandma, everyone should read this book to their grandchildren, no matter their age.
Aging Well
One Bowl a Day - The Ancient Soup That Fights Radiation, Cancer & More
Miso soup, long cherished in Japanese cuisine, may offer more than just comfort—it could be a powerful protector. After the atomic bombing of Nagasaki in 1945, none of the 21 healthcare workers and 70 tuberculosis patients just 1.4 km from ground zero showed signs of acute radiation poisoning. Dr. Tatuichiro Akizuki, who led the hospital, credited their daily miso soup with wakame seaweed for this astonishing outcome. Now, modern science supports his claim. A comprehensive review by researcher Hiromitsu Watanabe confirms miso’s ability to help prevent radiation injury, and studies also suggest it may reduce the risk of cancer and hypertension. Just one cup a day could be a lifesaving habit. Learn more
Wisdom to Live By
Hate no one, no matter how much they’ve wronged you. Live humbly, no matter how wealthy you become. Think positively, no matter how hard life is. Give much, even if you’ve been given little. Forgive all, especially yourself, and never stop praying for the best for everyone.
Good Eats to Make
I’m telling you, friend—this might be your new sandwich obsession. When I first stumbled across this recipe, I thought, “Ehh, probably not for me.” But girl, let me tell you… one bite and I was officially converted. It’s next-level delicious and sneakily healthy. Win-win!
MAKE THIS DELICIOUS CHICKPEA SANDWICH - CLICK HERE
Sponsored by NW Group
This beautiful keepsake is a treasure for parents to capture those special school-time memories and to keep track of those years from preschool to grade 12. They go by so quickly. Gift this beautiful book to someone who wants to capture all those special moments. Every school year is filled with countless memories to treasure; if you don’t write them down, they can easily be forgotten in the busyness of life. Order Today
Quotable
“Grandchildren are the rainbow of life; great-grandchildren are the pot of gold” -Nana
🎉 Until Next Time…
💖 Stay vibrant, stay modern, stay YOU!
3 1/2 years ago I became a grandma of twins. Boy & girl. At the moment it was joyful occasion until the months went by and my son rarely picked me up to see them. I would take an Uber which would cost about 80.00 each way. When I retired I told my son he needs to take me home if I go there, it’s getting too expensive. They would always go to here moms house which was about 20 mins away. It was heart wrenching. Last December he told me he was moving to Buffalo and now because I am waiting to have a knee replacement and can’t walk well I will only see them when he comes to NY. 3x a year. I’ve mentioned it to him several times but it didn’t matter. Bottom line is i certainly do not feel like a grandma. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
Oh Lillian, I am so sorry to hear this. I felt every word you wrote. Becoming a grandmother is supposed to be one of life’s greatest joys, but no one warns us about the ache that can come when the dream doesn’t unfold like we imagined.
Please know, you’re not alone. Many grandmothers carry this silent grief.
You absolutely are a grandmother — not because of how often you see them, but because of the love that lives in your heart for them every day. That love is real. That love matters. And though your time with them has been far too limited, don’t give up hope. Children grow, circumstances change, and doors can open in the most unexpected of ways.
In the meantime, hold tight to your beautiful heart. Your story deserves to be seen, heard, and honored. Start a journal for each child—every day, write something to them—that's what I am doing now. It will be a gift to your grandchildren one day. Never stop writing to them, sharing with them—all the things from your heart. Send them a letter every few weeks or so.
Sending you strength, warmth, and the deep knowing that your love still counts — even from afar.